At Work with the Computer
Do you know what a schlamazel
is? It's a person who, no matter what, never, under any circumstances,
does any thing correct.
Actual TRUE dialog of a former WordPerfect Customer
Support employee :
"Ritch Hall, computer assistant. May I help
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a
sudden the words went away."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around
on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't
accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks
like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor
and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell
me if it's plugged into the wall."
"Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice
that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there
again and find the other cable."
"Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged
securely into the back of your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something
and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right
angle-it's because it's dark."
"Yes-the office light is off, and the only light
I have is coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power outage."
"A power... A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've
got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and
packing stuff your computer came in ?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and
pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back
to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."
Submitted by Bruce Brodersen
* * *
At the Bowl Game
A man receives a free ticket to the Super Bowl from
his company. Unfortunately, when he arrives at the stadium he
realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium,
he is closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field.
About halfway through the first quarter he notices
an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the 50 yard line.
He decides to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium
and around the security guards to the empty seat. As he sits down,
he asks the gentlemen sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is
anyone sitting here?"
The man replies no. Now, very excited to be in such
a great seat for the game, he again inquires of the man next to
him, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have
a seat like this at the Super Bowl and not use it?"
The man replies, "Well, actually the seats belong
to me, I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away.
This is the first Super Bowl we haven't been together at since
we got married in 1967."
"Well that's terribly sad. But still, couldn't
you find someone to take the seat? A relative or close friend?"
"No," the man replied, "they're all
at the funeral."
Submitted by Mendel Dubinski